so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
