What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
