If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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