apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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