my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
