I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
