I will die if light touches me.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
