mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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