we made out on top of his cat.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
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In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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