best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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