I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
