glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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