i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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