I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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