this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
