i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
