How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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