I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
