someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
