Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
