If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
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Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
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no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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