Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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