I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
