I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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