i think i have two assholes
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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