So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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