He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
