He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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