All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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