I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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