Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
