i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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