this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
