Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
