i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
