I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
