I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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