I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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