I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I intend to get homeless drunk
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
