Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
