you would pick up someone in the library
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
