wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
how does that bad decision feel?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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