Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
