Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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