guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
