This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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