LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
