P.S. I can't hear my feet
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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