Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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