If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
