Banned from zoo.
Again?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
