I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
