why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
