I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
