The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
