i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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