I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
