That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
