just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
