ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
