Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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