listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
