lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
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how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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